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CT Scans for June 20th

This is not any regular scan, I have done this more then a normal person would. It’s not my favorite thing to do. But, I do it to find out about how I am doing in my lungs. It’s a scary feeling because it deals with knowing how my cancer is doing.

Due to my previous scans, they were never good news. My tumors were always growing, stable, or classified. During my change of diet and taking vidatox. I expect and hope that this upcoming scan will bring good news and show that all my effort has payed off.

The doctor who prescribed me vidatox said I shall see results within three months of taking it. And guess what ? Its been three months already. To boost up the healing process I have also done some natural stuff along the way. Meaning, I have been eating a proper diet. Eating all organic and healthy stuff. I expect the wheatgrass and apricots seeds payed off as well.

On June 20th I will have a ct scan done. They always have to poke me with a needle and inject ct iodine. That liquid that runs through my whole body and it feels like I am burning inside for a few seconds. After the scan is done I will have to wait for the next day to find out the results. I haven’t lost faith in that one day I will have awesome news. I have a feeling that this scan will be the one to celebrate.

Sad because of missing limb

I don’t like talking about this topic. Because I can get very sentimental. I will try my best to open up to everyone. I was raised up with all my body parts. I never would have imagine that this would have happen to me.

After the surgery, life was never the same. I saw everything in a whole new way. In the beginning I would cry everyday. And ask myself what did I do to deserve this. In the news I would see how the police capture criminals and they are healthy with no body parts missing. I would never do a crime like they have. And yet I was the one punished in this unimaginable way.  As the days go by , the feeling of being whole starts to fade away. I don’t think it will ever vanish of wanting my leg back. But, I try to stay positive as much as I can.

Whenever I go out. I always tend to go in wheelchair. No matter if in wheelchair or in crutches people are always going to stare. They all ask the same question, “what happened to her?” Sometimes, to make me feel better. I imagine I am a celebrity and people just can’t stop staring. I know it’s crazy but, it works.

My advice to other people going through my situation is that not to be afraid of what people say. Think of it as a positive thing. People want to know more about you and your situation. In that case it does sound like a celebrity. Maybe they can take a picture and spread it around. Life is so full of possibilities .

Why makeup tutorials

mascaraI recently started making YouTube videos. I started around four months ago. At first I was so scared and wasn’t sure if to post my first video. I decided to post and thought to myself that maybe no one will see it or notice it. After two weeks had past, I logged into YouTube and was ready to delete the video. But, to my surprise my video had 2,000 views and 200 subscribers. I was so shocked and amazed.

After my first video, it took me some time to post my next videos. I started thinking what else to talk about on YouTube. It was my channel, my voice, and my opinions. I noticed that many girls on that site, were making makeup tutorials. I am a little bit different in a way. I don’t buy as much makeup before. Nor do I wear as much as some of them.

I learned that makeup is a escape from reality.

Also, when people see my videos, I feel like they are listening to me and what I have to say. It means a lot to me that people hear me out.

makeupOnce I started getting the hang of the makeup. I started buying a lot of makeup. Having all the colors of every type of product is so much fun. I feel like a makeup artist being born. I used to paint a lot on paper and drawing anime. But, drawing on the face, is a whole new level for me. Learning each day about makeup and how to blend the eye shadows. It takes time and patience. I always tend to mess up the first couple of times. My goal is to be somewhat professional on YouTube for the makeup community.

Insomnia

Insomnia is something that I’ve been experiencing for the last two weeks. Before I got my own room. I used to sleep with my parents. I always slept early never past twelve of midnight. My sister was getting ready to move to a dorm near her university. I was excited for her as well for myself. Because, it meant that I was going to get my own room.

I started moving some of my belongings upstairs to my room. The first night was kind of weird. I couldn’t sleep. I started to watch movies on Netflix. Sometimes that would help me sleep better. Especially if the movies were a tad boring.

As the days started to pass by, each night was the same. I would toss and turn trying to fall asleep. The earliest I ever fell asleep was at one. But, that was if I was lucky enough. I always fall asleep around two to three in the morning. Maybe it is because I am so used to sleeping with my mom or someone else in the room. The reason is still a mystery.

Having my own room won’t last long. By the end of July, my cousin will be here with her son. And I will have a roommate. I hope that will change my sleeping pattern.

Lonely

Loneliness can affect the majority of us. In my case, loneliness affects me most of the time. Whenever I am at the hospital especially staying overnight for many days. It affects me the most. I even had depression because of it. I dislike staying in the hospital. But, on the other hand staying at home is much better. I am not hooked on machines and can do whatever I want. I am not saying that I don’t get lonely at home. Sometimes I do get lonely here.

Being at home with my family and seeing my little man running around, makes me so happy. It takes the loneliness away. Every time I start to feel down at home, I just hug my son very tight and I make a promise to always be there for him even if he sees me or not. It is a promise I will keep. Just thinking about my words, makes me cry. I am not ready to leave, not yet.

My advice for being lonely is that not everyday will feel like that. Not all days are perfect. Just got to make the best out of it and think positive. I like to surround myself with people that love me for who I am. 533916_10151425319707739_226304128_n

Bullies at school

BULLIES

Have you ever been bullied? I have been bullied since elementary school. Well, at the moment not so much. When I was little I was different than the rest of the girls in school. I was chubby and hit puberty at an early age. Other girls in school were skinny and had perfect skin. They had the guys asking them out or should I say liking them and hanging out with them.

I was a loner always hanging out by myself. They didn’t include me in any of their groups. I would hang out by myself on this hill and cried my eyes out. They would make fun of me and call me pepperoni face. I wanted to feel that I belong in a group.

As time flies by, I started to grow and get skinnier. I started making more friends. Still at that moment I wasn’t that pretty. I was still breaking out. At an early stage of life. I started liking guys but in return they just didn’t like me because of my face and started to make fun of me. That’s when I decided to buy some makeup. I bought cover-up and put it all over my face every time I went to school. That helped me feel a little bit better.

As I got mature throughout the years, I look back at my past and just start to laugh. I was so young and naïve. I always cared about fitting in with the popular crowd. I learned that I shouldn’t care what bullies say. All they do is talk. The only way to get them off your back is not to let them see you get down or cry. I learned that the hard way.

If I have a chance to go back in time and talk to the bullies I would have probably not given them much importance. And just have a smile on my face.

 

Detox

GRASSWHEATDetox is something very important to me. I try my best to stick to it as much as I can. Right now I am detoxifying myself for three days. This will help clean out my organs and toxicity. Some people may call this fasting. I like to call it a challenge. I have never skipped a meal before. But, I guess there is always a first time to everything.

My three day fasting includes only liquids. Meaning, I can only drink organic fruit and veggie juices. Also, don’t forget to drink lots of water. My other drinks are water with lemon and cat claw supplements in water. It is not as bad as it sounds. Trust me.
http://www.myfightmovie.com/photos/morning/

The first day was pretty easy. My parents were going to do the challenge with me. But, unfortunately they only lasted a few hours. My mom lasted the whole day except when it came to the night. She told me that she had to eat because her stomach was hurting. So, I was left alone on this journey to detox my body.

The next day was a bit hard for me. I started feeling super hungry and my mom had to make empanadas. Empanadas are a Colombian recipe, which is so good. It was so tempting but, I thought about my goal. I wanted to heal and lose weight at the same time. I went upstairs and tried to avoid the kitchen as much as I can.

Even though the detox is for up to three days. I think I am going to go for a week. Just to make sure I am super detox from toxins and other stuff that I don’t even know. I want to be healthy and cancer free. And only I can help myself with that. 581645_10151507786802739_1098536540_n

About My Son

It all started when I was 18 years old. I first notice I was pregnant and when I missed my period. Then a couple of weeks into it, I started getting big. Not big as in fat but, big as in a pregnant female. Being pregnant was a nice experience. It felt like I was a creator.

I have another life inside of me. That I must protect.

I never have thought of abortion. I am pro life. And I believe strongly that every person has a chance of living. I did think about adoption. I had many days to think about it. But, I imagine a stranger taking care of my baby. What if that stranger didn’t love my baby or mistreated him? Too many things going inside my head. That I couldn’t give him up like that. I am his mother and for that I am responsible for him. So, at the end I decided to keep him. I know it was going to be hard especially when he was a newborn. And indeed it was hard going to school and taking care of him. I barley had any sleep.  What made me keep on going is that, I imagine him grown up. And all the hard work I put on him, paid off.

After I went to my check up. The doctor told me I was going to deliver soon and had to be in the hospital. I was so nervous and scared. They called an ambulance to come pick me up from the clinic. I couldn’t stand up because my son was ready to come out any minute now. I never knew the sex of my son. Until I gave birth. I thought I was having a girl . I had a girl name picked out and baby girl clothes for when the baby would be born. Once I was in the hospital giving birth, they told me it was a boy. I was happy he came out fine but kind of sad that it wasn’t a girl. Since I was expecting a baby girl. The only thing that scared me at that moment was that he was born premature and weight 3 pounds. He had to be in the NICU for two months. I would pray every night for him to make it.

It was time to pick out his name. I didn’t know what name to put him since I thought he was going to be a girl. And the name, David just popped out in my head. I didn’t think much for his name. But, if I did I think I would have named him a different name. Maybe I would have named him Romeo. But, David suits him perfectly.

Without him I wouldn’t have been fighting for my life.

My baby gives me the strength to continue fighting.  I love my son so much. ❤

My BabyMy son

 

Trolls and Haters in the internet

Wow! I have so much to say about this. First of, no matter what social media you have, there are always going to be trolls or bullies in the internet. I have encounter a few of them so far. Some of them would say really mean and hurtful things to me. I must admit they are pretty good at putting a person down. But, I try to think about why they would write something so harsh to someone that they don’t even know.

I came in conclusion that a troll writes harsh things to others for attention. They want to feel better about themselves. They think that by hurting someone they will be in control. What I do, is not to give them any attention or write back to them. It just boost up their egos if I write back to them. They are attention seekers.

No matter where you go in the internet or out in the street. People will always judge and some will say mean things. That’s just part of being a human being. And it’s our own job not to let that get us down. Don’t  give them what they want. Do the opposite and I guarantee that they will leave you alone.

I Love My Family

Family is a big part of my life. They have been and will continue to be by my side. I don’t know where I would be without them. I love them so much. Ever since I had CANCER. They have been with me. They have seen me during the good and bad.

This has put us great stress in money. My dad is the only one that works right now for the family. He provides for my mom, two sisters, brother, Terry (the crazy dog), and myself. Whenever I have a hospital visit in Houston, he always manages to have that day off and takes me to it. My mom is also a big part of helping by taking care of my beautiful son, David.

I have never pictured myself in this situation nor my parents. It is very difficult on all of us. But, we always manage to stay positive and live life to the fullest. They always try to make my wishes come true and to make me feel less depressed about my situation. And for that I thank them with all my heart. I love you MOM and DAD.