Here is an update on the progress of the film, maybe the best way is to show you. Please find some photos from our post production room.
Lots of things are happening so fast. I can’t even keep track . That is why I always have my agenda close by. The month of August was the busiest so far. I had appointments almost every week.
When I was taking my medication, I was having bleeding in areas that shouldn’t bleed. So, the doctor wanted me to check for Hemorrhoids. It took forever to have an appointment . I had to call my doctor where I lived and make an appointment there so, they can send me to the doctor that checks for Hemorrhoids. I wasn’t looking forward to that at all.
After my general check up they referred me to the other doctor. I had to get some blood work before the colonoscopy, After that was cleared, in a week I had to go back. They made me take all my clothes off and wear a scrub. I layed on an operation table and had to lay on my side. They injected this medication that within minutes I was asleep.
When I woke up, the doctor told me there was nothing wrong in my colon. I was clear. He said that it must have been the medications doing that to me. And I agreed. After that appointment, I had my Houston appointment a week later. They did a CT Scan and said that the cancer was still growing. At this point of life, for the first time I didn’t cry. I got tired of hearing bad news all the time. I am ready for whatever comes my way. I am not going to lie, I used to be so afraid and would cry myself to sleep. But, that has passed I no longer feel that way.
I talked to the doctors about my next step. And they recommended this new trial. Which I will start soon enough. What the new trial does is that it targets this signal that makes the cancer grow. Once the medication stops the signals . The cancer either becomes stable or starts to die. I am hoping it starts to die. There is also that worse scenario that it might make that cancer rebel to the new medication.
I am really tired of being poked and getting scans all the time. I am tired of hospitals and doctors. So tired, that I don’t mind my destiny. I just want to live life without the medication making me sick all the time. What if I die and due to the medicine I can’t enjoy my last days with my family because it makes me sick ? That is not life. Not in my eyes. I haven’t given up. I still believe in miracles.
This month of August is crazy. A lot of things are happening. First my cousin from Virginia came here to live with us for nine months and she didn’t come along. Julyan, her baby came with her. Now you can imagine how crazy the house can get. My baby and Julyan are always fighting and screaming. It is a nonstop crazy house. No peace and quiet for me.
Today, I started drinking this jug of almost eight glasses to clean my colon. Because, tomorrow I have an appointment to get a check up of any bleeding inside my colon. I am not excited about that. The procedure will be done with a skinny looking hose with a light and camera attached to it. And you already know where that goes in. The good part is that I am going to be some what asleep throughout the procedure.
After that is done. In a week or so, I have an appointment for a ct scan to check how I am progressing. I am nervous but, I haven’t lost hope. I can’t wait for at least this week to be over already. I am excited that after the CT scan in a few days following that I will audition for a zombie. I miss doing zombie work with my Zombie family. It is so much fun and a lot of fake
blood. This month is stressful and fun. Best of both worlds.
Insomnia is something that I’ve been experiencing for the last two weeks. Before I got my own room. I used to sleep with my parents. I always slept early never past twelve of midnight. My sister was getting ready to move to a dorm near her university. I was excited for her as well for myself. Because, it meant that I was going to get my own room.
I started moving some of my belongings upstairs to my room. The first night was kind of weird. I couldn’t sleep. I started to watch movies on Netflix. Sometimes that would help me sleep better. Especially if the movies were a tad boring.
As the days started to pass by, each night was the same. I would toss and turn trying to fall asleep. The earliest I ever fell asleep was at one. But, that was if I was lucky enough. I always fall asleep around two to three in the morning. Maybe it is because I am so used to sleeping with my mom or someone else in the room. The reason is still a mystery.
Having my own room won’t last long. By the end of July, my cousin will be here with her son. And I will have a roommate. I hope that will change my sleeping pattern.
Loneliness can affect the majority of us. In my case, loneliness affects me most of the time. Whenever I am at the hospital especially staying overnight for many days. It affects me the most. I even had depression because of it. I dislike staying in the hospital. But, on the other hand staying at home is much better. I am not hooked on machines and can do whatever I want. I am not saying that I don’t get lonely at home. Sometimes I do get lonely here.
Being at home with my family and seeing my little man running around, makes me so happy. It takes the loneliness away. Every time I start to feel down at home, I just hug my son very tight and I make a promise to always be there for him even if he sees me or not. It is a promise I will keep. Just thinking about my words, makes me cry. I am not ready to leave, not yet.
My advice for being lonely is that not everyday will feel like that. Not all days are perfect. Just got to make the best out of it and think positive. I like to surround myself with people that love me for who I am.