Lots of things are happening so fast. I can’t even keep track . That is why I always have my agenda close by. The month of August was the busiest so far. I had appointments almost every week.

When I was taking my medication, I was having bleeding in areas that shouldn’t bleed. So, the doctor wanted me to check for Hemorrhoids. It took forever to have an appointment . I had to call my doctor where I lived and make an appointment there so, they can send me to the doctor that checks for Hemorrhoids. I wasn’t looking forward to that at all.

After my general check up they referred me to the other doctor. I had to get some blood work before the colonoscopy, After that was cleared, in a week I had to go back. They made me take all my clothes off and wear a scrub. I layed on an operation table and had to lay on my side. They injected this medication that within minutes I was asleep.

When I woke up, the doctor told me there was nothing wrong in my colon. I was clear. He said that it must have been the medications doing that to me. And I agreed. After that appointment, I had my Houston appointment a week later. They did a CT Scan and said that the cancer was still growing. At this point of life, for the first time I didn’t cry. I got tired of hearing bad news all the time. I am ready for whatever comes my way. I am not going to lie, I used to be so afraid and would cry myself to sleep. But, that has passed I no longer feel that way.

I talked to the doctors about my next step. And they recommended this new trial. Which I will start soon enough. What the new trial does is that it targets this signal that makes the cancer grow. Once the medication stops the signals . The cancer either becomes stable or starts to die. I am hoping it starts to die. There is also that worse scenario that it might make that cancer rebel to the new medication.

I am really tired of being poked and getting scans all the time. I am tired of hospitals and doctors. So tired, that I don’t mind my destiny. I just want to live life without the medication making me sick all the time. What if I die and due to the medicine I can’t enjoy my last days with my family because it makes me sick ? That is not life. Not in my eyes. I haven’t given up. I still believe in miracles.